GEORGETOWN, D.C.

This past week the Student Activities Commission held a vote on whether or not to defund LoveSaxa. The commission eventually resolved to go the extra mile to ensure their place on the wrong side of history.

“Really, this one is a no-brainer,” said Martin Garrett (COL ’20), LGBTQ+ activist, “all you had to do was say ‘bigotry is bad’ and take away their measly $250 fund. No one even blinks at that amount of money around here.”

This decision came about after a bitter campaign between LGBTQ+ groups and LoveSaxa, which insists everyone would benefit from traditional, heterosexual, masturbation-free, patriarchal relationships. After spending days deliberating on their vote, SAC looked at all of the evidence and firmly concluded that they would like to be mentioned with a stern frown in history books.

“We could have voted ‘NO’ and shown support for all of the students on campus,” said Maria Gertle (SFS ’19), SAC Member, “but how often do you get a bona-fide chance to be the bad guy in history? We just could not pass this up!”

At press time, SAC was meeting to discuss what additional steps could be taken to ensure that future generations refer to them as “misguided products of their time”.