GEORGETOWN – The glass office windows of the third floor of the Edward B. Bunn Intercultural Center (ICC) boast portraits of high-profile speakers, ranging from presidents to authors, diplomats to actors, and everything in between, even including some that aren’t currently being investigated by the Hague.
Mark Thomas (SFS ‘22), a student of International Politics, wants nothing more than to be included among the ranks of those speakers displayed in the smelliest and most humid building on Georgetown’s campus. How will he achieve this? According to Thomas, it’s simple enough – he will make his mark on the world by “achieving peace in Afghanistan through the power of stand-up comedy.”
“Give me a mic, a stool, and a stage and I’ll have Kabul back in 12 Hours,” trembled Thomas in his upper-level Gov elective. “I don’t need an M16 to bust some guts!”
Thomas took us through his philosophy after class: “I’m a really funny guy, and, in my experience, the fastest way to get people to do what you want is to disarm them with a little humor.” He continued, “I’ve been drafting a joke for months that would virtually solve the Israel-Palestine crisis.”
“Same with the Taliban,” he noted. “They are brutal, brutal guys, but a tight 10 and a little mic drop can’t NOT pull out their humanity.”
Thomas then said he had to “dash to class,” but gave us an outline of his routine (see below):
“Yo yo yo yo yo, wassup, wassup, I’m Mark Thomas, and I’m a Christian white guy, but after the next ten minutes you’re gonna be wetting yourselves with piss and not just the blood of infidels!
[pause for laughter]
I’m just kidding, I’m just kidding. I’m just messing around, guys–and it is just guys, right? You know what I mean? Ayyy, where the women at!
[pause for laughter]
Seriously, though, the Taliban is exuding such *gatekeep* energy right now. Like, c’mon, don’t women also deserve rights? Ya, the right to remain SILENT, am I right my man?
[pause for laughter, dap up closest Taliban soldier]
Yeah! One more time! Let’s give it up for the Taliban!”
The Heckler has opted to omit the rest of the set, as Thomas continues to make more jokes about women, the line at Crop Chop, and that “[the Taliban] should find a cooler name–like Toyota Pickup Paladins or George Bush’s Worst Nightmare.”