36th STREET — Following a daylong political rally by the White House in which student-run organization Hoyas For Immigrant Amnesty demanded immediate naturalization for all 11.7 million illegal immigrants, the group unceremoniously kicked out a half dozen party crashers from their evening festivities.

At approximately 11:30 p.m. that evening, Communications Officer Terrance Ricker (MSB ’16) noticed a group of unfamiliar looking individuals in the corner of the 36th street townhouse huddled together.
Ricker pulled the group over and asked for forms of identification. When the group failed to identify any members in the club they were swiftly escorted out of the townhouse.

Initial speculations concluded that the group of mainly freshmen was able to gain entrance through an unpatroled side door.

Under placards which read messages such as “A Nation of Welcome” and “Rights for Everyone!” group members were noticeably livid about the presence of these uninvited persons.

“Jesus, these guys think they can just enjoy our alcohol and our company completely uninvited?” said Group Member Matthew Yang (COL ’16).

“If they want to join our party there are appropriate channels from which they can join our club and attend our parties,” said Co-Chair Amanda Ciey (MSB ’15) who held a sign which read “Amnesty Now” for seven hours earlier in the day

“I came here to [Hoyas For Immigrant Amnesty]’s party because there are no opportunities to party like this where I come from,” said Monica Philbin (SFS ’18), a native resident of Darnall Hall.

“We heard this is the party of opportunities,” said fellow-Darnall resident Peter Finkley (MSB ’18). “We just wanted to build a better night for our friends.”

After the successful removal of the party crasher, Hoyas for Immigrant Amnesty began to increase patrols near entrance points of the townhouse and ask for identification from anyone trying to cross through the front door check point.

“It’s disgusting people think they can mooch off us and our parties. We don’t know who these strangers are or what trouble they can bring to our property,” said Maureen Manzonie (MSB ’15) as she took a break from a game of beer pong which had been decorated by the group to say “Together, we are all citizens of the world.”