The Georgetown Heckler

News | November 15, 2014

HoyaLink Finance to be Replaced with Single, Large Abacus


LEAVEY CENTER — Citing the need for “more transparent accounting” as well as a desire to see if this “might be just crazy enough to work,” the Center for Student Engagement has replaced all HoyaLink Finance accounts with a single, large abacus kept on the third floor of Leavey.

“It’s a really simple concept” said Erika Cohen-Derr, head of CSE. “Look here- when you move a green bead halfway across, it means the College Democrats spent $50 but GIVES only spent $20. If you move it all the way across, it means GUMSA spent $25. Each time a Fuschia bead moves” she continued, gesturing to another of the approximately 1700 rows of beads “mean that Vita Saxa bought exactly 5 pizzas. The whole system is explained in detail in your BluePrint Binder.”

The abacus, touted as "literally better than nothing."

The abacus, touted as “literally better than nothing.”

The new system has already encountered some issues, such as when the Ultimate Frisbee team attempted to embezzle money from SAC by covertly moving two teal beads and a hot pink bead all the way to the right, which would have legally given them all of the Club Sports money.

Apart from these incidents, the student response has been overwhelmingly positive, describing the abacus as “technically functional” and “literally better than nothing.” As Daniel Ernst, a GOLD Coordinator, put it: “When HoyaLink Finance was still down, I had no way of knowing how much money we had available to us. Now I have the answer readily available to me, so long as I’m willing to spend about 5 hours counting beads.”

“Oh, goddamnit!” he continued, as he lost count.

At press time, the System had crashed as the abacus tipped over, ending club activities for the year.