THE BASEMENT, TEXAS – Taunting the unsated appetite of local resident Jared Florder, a pringle stuck at the bottom of its can became ,on Thursday evening, the admittedly fat-fingered man’s “white whale”. “I’ll get her if it’s the last thing my stubby, bulging, sweaty digits can do,” Florder emphasized, after a third attempt at fishing out the chip left his index, middle, and ring fingers discolored.. After noticing that any attempt to stick his sausage-rolls for fingers down the can’s length would crush the ensconced snack, Florder slowly came to realize that extracting the solitary chip was the sole reason of his existence. “It may destroy me, but I intend to gobble that delectable, crunchy, French-onion flavored chip down, chubby fingers be damned.” At press time, Florder had collapsed into a diabetic coma as he greased his hand with personal lubricant, seeing the pringle disappear into the dark depths of its can.