A couple of weeks ago I shorted the radio of my mom’s 2013 Honda Odyssey in a bong water related incident, leaving me permanently tuned into 95.8 Fearless Faith. This would outrage any other single 22-year-old man still living at home, but not me. The Immaculate AM-FM Disruption set my life and Uber career on […]

“We like to take any opportunity to honor our most generous alums, particularly if it involves keeping that gay stuff far, far away,” announced School of Foreign Service Dean Joel Hellman at the ribbon-cutting ceremony for the brand new closet Georgetown students will now be forced into. Under the new policy, any out and/or proud […]

Jo Smallhouse (MSB ‘15) emerged from a suspiciously timed six-week Instagram hiatus with eight new sponsors and backside. In a candid Instagram live video Smallhouse explained her absence and new look.  “It wasn’t my choice,” said Smallhouse, sporting a matching neon-green Gymshark set. “Nearly 12% of all people are born with a deviated cheek. I’m […]

photo from Unsung Heroes HFSC — Having forgotten to purchase a round-trip ticket, the students of ‘Unsung Heroes’, scrambled throughout Monday night to raise the funds needed to purchase Suru Ripai a flight back to Washington. The student organization collected more than $5,000 in donations to send the cherished dining hall employee to South Sudan, the region from which he left […]

As reported yesterday by The Georgetown Voice, the university’s undergraduate tuition for 2016-2017 has increased by four percent, over $1000. In response to a call for transparency regarding the direction of the new tuition money, the Heckler has investigated and uncovered five of the main drivers behind the hike. 1. Matthew Kroenig’s “Man Cave”   The […]

O’DONOVAN – Claiming that it “feels like home,” senior Kevin Bennett (COL ‘17) defended his decision to purchase a meal plan despite the fact that the per meal cost to eat at Leo J. O’Donovan hall exceeds $13. “It’s pretty close to the ICC and like they’ve got that whole meal exchange program now,” said […]

VILLAGE A – As the final day of New Student Orientation came to a close, orientation advisor (OA) and MSB junior Trevor Barnes (MSB ’18) assured his friends that the only thing preventing him from “getting with” one or more “really hot” freshmen under his supervision was the unwritten and entirely self-enforced rule amongst OA’s […]

Do… …bring your own clothes.  Lots of things come included in your tuition, but having a full and personalized wardrobe is up to you.     Don’t… …wear a shirt covered in blood.  It’s unnecessary.  NSO leaders are trained in coming up with ice-breakers, so drawing questions about the source of the blood might be […]

Incoming Hoyas, Or better yet, Ahoy-a! You’ll have to excuse us, we’ve been carried away with the nautical spirit; the editorial board thought it would be fun to kick the year off with a little booze cruise before the start of the semester. “Let’s leave our cell phones at home, and just be here with each […]

HEALY – For President John DeGioia, the summer of 2016 ended just as they all have since he took over Georgetown University’s top job: with a mad dash to update each of the annual speeches he delivers with the appropriate years and names of special guests.   “Some names and dates we get to leave […]