The Georgetown Heckler

News | March 4, 2017

South Carolina’s Senator Revealed to Only Be Two Children In a Horse Costume


WASHINGTON, D.C. – Chaos broke out on the Senate chamber floor yesterday as the senior senator from South Carolina, Ed Baldwin, removed his mask and jacket only to reveal his true identity: two children in a horse costume.

“We just couldn’t believe this could happen right in front of us,” remarked Baldwin’s senate colleague, Olympia Snowe (R – ME). “He told us all he was a horse, but to lie to us?! How could we have seen this coming!!” she screamed.

Meanwhile, special elections have been called for in Columbia.

“I knew Ed wasn’t a dishonest man; Ed was a horse,” commented South Carolina governor Henry McMaster. “But it looks like I’ve been fooled. I remember when he said to me in plain English, ‘I am a horse.’ I mean, who lies like that? I don’t think anyone could have foresaw this.”

Voters across the state admit that they have been blindsided by this revelation. From Lexington to Myrtle Beach, citizens have fond memories of Baldwin on the campaign trail.  

“It was his 2012 reelection campaign, and I remember him coming to the state fair to sample our hush puppies,” recalled Laura Dawson, resident of the town of Fort Mill. “He lifted both of his hooves, sat down, and ate the whole damn thing through his throat—Actually, maybe on second thought we should have caught on a bit sooner.”