The Georgetown Heckler

News | November 15, 2017

Every Uber Driver On Earth Just On One, Big Conference Call



It’s as we all suspected: every Uber driver on Earth is just on one, big conference call. Drivers report that the purpose of the conference call is to have a big old laugh at all the rich idiots using the service.

As one Uber driver, Daniel McTorrley, stated, “whenever you see one of us do some asinine U-turn, drive by the correct turn 3 times in a row, or pull up just a little bit past the pick up point it’s because literally every other driver on earth can see and hear it, and they are all losing their minds.”

The report wanted to emphasize, too, that this practice did not start for the community it created, but because drivers really liked the joke. “I hate half the guys on the other end of the line,” stated McTorrley, “but god some of those savvy driving freaks really know how to find the one way that goes straight away from the pick-up location.”

At press time it was revealed that Uber drivers are never actually finishing a ride nearby.