Your freshman year friend group, remember them?! There was Sabrina, the silly one. Laurene, the hilarious one. Brendan, the one from Iowa (Cool!) and of course, David, the loveable one. They were so fun, so cool, so chic. But it’s been a few years since you were all on Darnall 4 together, and you’re probably wondering, where are they now?

Well, Sabrina and David started dating at the very beginning of Sophomore year (when you thought it would be an interesting time to try your hand on The Hoya) and have been coupled up ever since.

Laurene, of course, discovered her true calling wasn’t comedy, but corporate financial law. In turn she started taking a lot more classes in the business school with, you guessed it, David! The two of them started getting even closer through late night studies and cramming for exams. Today, Laurene, David, and Sabrina are thick as thieves! And you gave up the Hoya a month into the semester.

Oh, where’s Brendan from Iowa you might ask? Funny you should! When his ailing grandmother died in November of sophomore year, he travelled back to Iowa to be with his family. And Guess. Who. Was. There. None other than Laurene, David, and Sabrina! All there to support him in his time of need. And where were you? A Frisbee darty. Because you thought that would be a cool, new friend group. How’d that turn out, you fucking leper.

In short, they’re all doing well. They’re much closer than ever and they have a charming dynamic rife with witty banter and clever little funny stories. There are even rumors that David and Sabrina might get married in the spring! And you quit club Frisbee two weeks into junior year. Congratulations, you empty island of a man.