RIGGS LIBRARY- This past weekend University President John DeGoia held a fundraising dinner in Riggs Library as a special thank you to donors who had made significant contributions to the Universityʼs endowment.
“I want to thank each and everyone of you for your generosity,” said DeGoia, “Because of your help, we are well on our to reaching our goal of infinity.” DeGoia, throughout the remainder of the speech, eloquently proceeded stress the importance of Georgetownʼs endowment simply by repeating the phrases “men and women for others,” “cura personalis,” and “Jesuit identity.”
As DeGoia spoke the elite of Georgetownʼs graduates enjoyed a four-course meal and vigorously applauded at notions of surpassing peer institutions. The ruckus of the largely elderly Caucasian crowd throughout the speech was only tempered by a video produced the University, “The Triumph of the [Dollar] Bills,” which stressed the importance of unlimited money in educating students.
DeGoia also unveiled a new chart to measure the progress of donations in terms of reaching its target goal, which was simply antiquated motivational poster which read “Not Enough.”
Alum Frank McCourt (Col ʼ75), the newly heralded benefactor of the McCourt School of Public Policy also made a surprise appearance at the dinner. In a brief speech McCourt simply repeated the word “give” until he collapsed.
Even before the guests left for the evening, the University was already deeming the dinner a great success in terms of moving closer to infinity. “Every dollar counts,” said DeGoia, “we desperately come to you in a time of need so that we can do this to do more things to help our cause achieve its stated goal. We cannot fail. Soon no one can stop us.”
The guests of the dinner were also given the option to donate again on the way out of the dinner, as well as on the way to car or when they got home.
Due to increased consumer confidence and donations, DeGoia was rumored to be considering raising Georgetownʼs target endowment above infinity but could not verify this claim at press time.
