GEORGETOWN- A Pew Research Center recently-released poll suggests that Georgetown students were only able to accomplish 8% of their previously stated winter break goals.

“Working out,” “finding job/internship,” “reading new book,” “volunteering in community,” “making it out of bed more than twice a day,” and “Jesus Christ, anything at all productive” were among the most common goals which were not met according to the study. The most common goals which students were able to meet were “catching up on sleep” and “verifying my Netflix account works.”

When asked when they planned to accomplish these goals they had failed to achieve, the most common responses were “later,” “tomorrow,” and “definitely, tomorrow.”

This yearʼs findings are down from last yearʼs 10% and continue the downward trend away from the previous record high set by Georgetown students in 2009 of 12%. “Despite this drop into single digits, Iʼm confident we can rebound,” said College Dean Chester Gillis, who was able to watch five seasons of Breaking Bad, but not review any comprehensive professor progress reports. “Weʼll be back next year in double digits. Maybe letʼs just aim a little bit lower next time, guys.”

Upon further inquiry students offered a myriad of explanations for these shortcomings. “Well, I was about to get to my to-do list,” said Annie Presley (Col ʼ16). “But then I was like ʻitʼs my first day off, Iʼve earned a breakʼ and then something came up.”

“Thought about it,” said Juan Vargas (Col ʼ15) confidently. “Definitely, thought about it.”

“I was just still a little cut up after Benghazi,” said Sam Dierdorf (SFS ʼ14). “Just didnʼt feel right.”

“Screw off, bro. What did you accomplish?” said Rob Bergen (MSB ʼ15).

The Pew Center was only able to identify two students who accomplished their goals over break. Angela Thornstan both began course readings for the spring semester and laid out her fifteen point scheme to the WhiteHouse. Thomas Frederickson (NHS ʼ14) also managed to accomplish his goals by setting none.