Displaying a hauntingly agonized countenance, a breaded and flash-fried Leo O’Donovan has entered his third week of promoting the popular “Chicken Finger Thursdays” against his will. The former president of Georgetown University has now stood outside of the dining hall that bears his name for 504 straight hours at the direct order of current President John DeGioia, surviving only on rainwater and his thighs.

“I was getting ready to go to sleep when three large men brandishing pistols and scalding crepe pans broke the window of my bungalow,” O’Donovan whispered to a Heckler reporter as delicious morsels of breading and human skin crumbled to the ground from what remained of his warped lips. “They brought me into the president’s office. John DeGioia rolled me around a sandbox filled with flour, egg wash and panko crumbs. Then they fried me.”

Though he did note that the recent cold weather has “felt good on his exposed subcutaneous tissue,” O’Donovan had a word of caution for anyone thinking about frying themselves: “This is worse than Hell. This is worse than Hell. This is worse than Hell. If I move they’ll kill me. They can’t see me talking to you. I need to keep promoting. Hey everyone, only five more days until Chicken Finger Thursday rolls around again!”

At a press conference outside Leo’s Friday, DeGioia spoke adamantly about O’Donovan’s new role as the mascot of Chicken Finger Thursdays. “What’s the big deal? Everybody loves chicken fingers!” When asked to comment on the  apparent excruciating pain the former Georgetown president was in he replied, “That’s ridiculous. Leo is just loving his new job. Isn’t that right?” Fmr. President O’Donovan then gave what was probably a thumbs up. Once DeGioia turned away, though, he began frantically waving his arms and shaking his breaded torso. He then tried to run away once the press conference concluded but his crispy legs gave way, and he was dragged back to the Leo’s service entrance, leaving behind a trail of grease.