Following a long day of flyering and door-knocking across campus, Maurice James (SFS ʼ16), campaign manager of Zach & Dan: Building Your Georgetown, sat down with The Heckler at Saxbys to discuss the election. Speaking with an excited and hurried pace, he outlined the new strategy he is debuting ahead of the elections at the end of the month.

“I know it’s bold. I know it’s crazy,” he said as the barista yelled across the bustling store that his medium iced coffee was ready. “I know how we’re gonna win this thing: college kids.”
Leaning in closer, he spoke of the months he spent research and putting together this new strategy.

“Listen, I know Georgetown students are the only people who can vote in this election. Everyone knows that. Then one day it hit me: Why don’t we target them, this untapped demographic?” he said, pausing to let the words sink in and slowly leaning back in his chair for dramatic effect as the barista made a final call for his iced coffee. “We have a very limited budget and these people, these voters, they’re right in front of us. My God, why don’t we go after them? This is the money idea.”

Slowly rising out of his chair, James began frantically patting his hair and shouting.

“They’ve been in front of us the whole time! We’ve got to let them know what’s at stake! Door-knocking! Flyering! Social fucking media. Don’t you see it? It makes so much sense now!”
The ice from his coffee now melting on the baristaʼs ledge, he sat down, leaned in and began talking very quietly.

“Listen, these other guys, these other campaigns. They don’t get it. And truth be told, last year, our campaign didn’t get it,” he said as his cheekbones became wet with tears and red with popped capillaries. “This is the election for Georgetown University. Last year, our campaign wasted too much time campaigning in Biloxi and trying to get an endorsement from Local Plumbers 603 in Tacoma. With this breakthrough, we won’t waste any more time flyering in East Pittsburgh. We know exactly where to go. We have to let these students know how much we care. In any way. By any means necessary. Do I make myself clear?”

As he grabbed The Heckler’s collar and babbled incoherently, he pulled out a wrinkled graph. Pointing repeatedly and scattering in beginner-level Arabic, he moved his finger methodically down the list.

“People that can’t vote in GUSA: teachers, undocumented immigrants, swing states, the elderly, fashionistas, swing dancers, monster truck drivers, Sharon Cristy, 44, of New Trier, Illinois.”

Switching gears into a Gregorian chant, he moved his finger to the other column.

“People that can vote in GUSA: college students.

“I spent all year compiling this data,” he said unblinkingly while the barista offered his drink to passersby. “You think we’re gonna lose with this intelligence advantage?”

I tried to answer, but he told me it was a rhetorical question.

“No. We’re not.”

I asked him why he answered the question if I wasn’t allowed to, but he was already moving on to the timeline.

“Here we are on today,” he said, pointing to Feb. 18, which might not be today when this article is published. “Here is Election Day,” he said, pointing to next Thursday. “Here is everything between then,” he said, slowly running his finger back and forth. “That’s when we have to target these college kids. Not before. Not after. Here. Now.”

His manic eyes slowly receded into their sockets, and he apologized for the succinctness of the meeting but explained that he had to leave to go door-knocking “to go after this hot new demographic.”
Checking his phone, he muttered aloud, “Jesus Christ, how long does it take to make an iced coffee here?” before storming out.