GEORGETOWN — As he notified he the world this week, Pleasure Place Owner Frankie Carlondie’s store will be closing up shop in the near future. This announcement set off a panic among students on the hilltop who were in need of gag gifts.
“This closure could not have come at a worst time,” said Business Consultant Kyla Craws. “At a time like this, the end of the school year, almost all students are gearing up for the end of year gift giving cycle. With the Pleasure Place closing, we’re projecting that hilarious instances of lube and anal beads being given as gifts is going to plummet almost 96%. These end of year dinners and parties are in serious trouble.”
Sentiment on campus reflected this apocalyptic scenario. “Oh no. Are you serious? That’s terrible,” said John Whittimore (MSB ’15) upon hearing the news. “For my bro’s 21st last month I got him this giant veiny black dildo. It was fuckin’ hilarious.”
“It was fuckin’ hilarious,” said his bro.
Yelp reviewers mourn the loss of a neighborhood staple.
A brief survey showed that almost 92% of Georgetown students had, within the past month, either bought, received, or lost their shit laughing at a gift from the pleasure place.
“Aw crap,” said Kyle Moore (SFS ’15). “I’ve been planning to get Marky those dick lollipops forever for his grad present. How else am I supposed to show him I care now?”
Carlondie cited declining revenues in past years as the main reason for the store’s closing. “I thought my impeccable business model of mainly having customers sheepishly walk into the store and giggle at the various erotica with their friends before leaving without buying anything was timeless,” said Carlondie. “Time change I guess. This isn’t your parent’s sex shop/themed erotica store.”
The Georgetown Neighborhood Business Development Chair Maddy Fristch acknowledged the need to fill this niche within the Georgetown neighborhood. “We’re all about creating a positive neighborhood business environment which can attract all kinds of people. That being said, getting another sex shop into this town is our number one priority. I will not be happy until Georgetown gift givers are able to fulfill their most immature impulses.”
At press time it was confirmed, in fact, that no sex shop owners were considering opening a shop within Georgetown, but, several bold individuals had begun ordering their gag gifts online.