HARBIN — In an email broadcast to campus today, Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson announced changes to the alumni housing policy.

After almost two semesters of heated debate, Olson along with GUSA President Trevor Tezel (SFS ’15) and Vice President Omika Jikaria (SFS ’15) voted to adopt a three-year post graduation on-campus housing policy for University alumni.

“Dear Students,” Olson wrote in his email, “consistent with our goal of cramming every person who has ever attended Georgetown onto the hilltop we have decided to bump up the post-graduation on-campus housing requirement.”

In response to the fierce opposition a satellite campus received, Olson outlined the ways in which the university will be tackling the added number of graduates required to live on campus.

“We are looking at a number of options to add quality, spacious and outrageously expensive housing,” Olson said over the phone. “Right now we feel that there are many avenues which we can pursue: I heard there are three ICC closets which are pretty empty. Boom there’s seven residents solved. See how easy it is?”

Sarah Mayer's (SFS '12) and Erin Craft's (COL '12) post-graduation dorm room.

Olson offered other possible permanent housing spaces on campus:

“Right now our top options include Lau 5, it’s really easy to sleep there since it’s so quiet all the time. Red Square, I mean does it have to be that big? The Jesuit cemetery… er, wait no that’s already a permanent housing solution of sorts. And converting McCutcheon into dorms. Definitely, McCutcheon.”

A comprehensive search showed no buildings on campus named “McCutcheon.”

Vice President of Finance and Treasurer David Rubenstein described the on campus housing fees paid by alumni as “critical” to maintaining Georgetown’s endowment.

“Right now Georgetown’s endowment is about one billion,” said Rubenstein. “That’s good, I think, I’m about to google what an endowment is. But, obviously, I’d like to see it bigger. Bigger is always better. Unless it’s a bad thing like a tumor or something.”

Alumni leaders who voted against the policy expressed frustration with the change.

“I mean I love Georgetown, but at this point I wish they’d let me go and stop taking thousands of my dollars every semester for housing,” said Andrew Rubinowitz (MSB ’11). “Like commuting to my job in Baltimore from Harbin everyday is beginning to become quite a drag.”

Olson promised changes to make the housing solution more appealing to alumni. “We’re going to add larger beds in dorms for married alumni and changing stations in dorms for couples who are already in that stage.”