HARBIN — Citing an abundance of evidence of anti-New Jersey stigma amongst his peers Freshman Clayton Peters (COL ’18) began telling all he encountered he hails from the “NYC area.”
New York, New York: the city so nice another state clings to it. Also they named it twice.
“Listen, I’m just trying to sound the slightest bit cultural and original here,” said Peters who lives one hour and twenty minutes in current traffic from New York City.
“I understand my origin affixes some value to my own personality in the eyes of my peers. Is it so bad I want to sound interesting and cling to the empire of culture and importance that is New York City despite having nothing to do with it?” asked Peters as he hung up several “I Heart NYC” and “I left my heart and my residency in NYC” posters around his room.
Peters says he made the decision after watching a floormate of his be picked on by his peers for hailing from the Garden State.
“Ha! You’re from New Jersey? There’s not even a major metropolitan center there,” said Peters as he recalled watching the social carnage take place on his first day.
“Talk about a state devoid of cultural significance, but over abundant in its representation among the student body.”
“You know at first I thought that Clayton guy was kinda cute,” said floormate Christine Drich (COL ’18). “But then I found out he was from New Jersey. I mean, like, no thanks. I’m not tryna hook up with Snookie here.”
Peters’ parents were quick to come to his defense on choosing not to represent his home town proudly.
“I understand completely what my son is going through. It’s not exactly a mecca of anything here,” said his father Richard, who added that he “travels so much” New Jersey isn’t really his home.
Within the class of 2018, 11% of whom are from New Jersey only Brain Auerbach (MSB ’18) will admit to being from New Jersey but immediately follows the statement with the disclaimer “I’m from Union County though, it’s like five minutes outside of New York City.”
Interested in writing for the Heckler? Email editor@georgetownheckler.com for an application!
https://www.facebook.com/Georgetownheckler