The Georgetown Heckler has obtained an exclusive transcript of freshman Franco Shaumberg’s (SFS ’18) review of Leo J. O’Donovan Dining Hall. The Yelp! review reads as follows:

“First and fore mostly, I cannot accurately discuss with words my disgust with this institution as a whole. From start to finish My disappointment with my Georgetown dining experience is overwhelming. I am remiss to ask family friend John DeGioia for a refund of my college tuition expenses but I digress. Allow me to enlighten you to my struggles, I entered the “Leo J. O’Donovan” dining hall at promptly 6:28 pm this Monday eve. I would have been earlier but the valets were not present to escort my vehicle to a parking spot. In the foyer I noticed, much to my dismay, that I was the only individual sporting a coat to this dinner. I was not alerted as to any changes to the “black tie only” policy of O’Donovan’s but I hope this was a temporary lapse in their enforcement. However, the infractions only continue, the wait staff, Suru, I believe his name was, did not have any record of my 6:30 reservation nor did he accept my AmEx Black Card. He continuously asked for my “GoCard” like some person on scholarship. Humiliating. Nor did this “Suru” (for some called him Umbarto or Uripi) escort me to my seat. I was forced to find a table on my own like a Nethanderal. I will admit I was slightly perturbed that I was not given a menu, but I attempted to be the bigger person. After waiting what felt like an eternity, I finally flagged down a server. Not only did she refuse to tell me the specials of the day, she directed me to serve myself the main course as if I were some caveman hunting down a dinosaur to eat (Needless to say she did not get a good tip). Although it was clear I was a man of high stature out for a night on the town, several lower class beings (God knows how they got into this place) continuously asked me “hey man, are you using this chair?” Oh course I told them to go back into the poverty holes from which they emerged but the experience itself was so traumatizing I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to look at the establishment the same way once again. I was forced to eat my “Frosted Flakés” with a fork. I do not wish to discuss this matter further. My after my meal I tried to enjoy my after dinner cocktail but it was so fruity I’m not even sure there was alcohol in it. It was called “Powerade” or some other silly name. No server seemed eager to clear my plates so I simply left them on the roundtable which I had now spent the better part of two hours longing for my estate’s club house. I spoke to my father’s secretary immediately after leaving to discuss my experience. He assured me that a team would investigate the “establishment” from which I had just eaten. Thus I give my experience two out of five stars. While I would not like to return to this establishment, I am willing to give it a second chance since I have purchased a plan which allows me to eat at “Leo J. O’Donovan” Dining Hall fourteen times a week. Whoever told me Leo J. O’Donovan was enjoyable dining experience was either the victim of a cruel joke or a middle class person.”