CAWLEY CAREER EDUCATION CENTER — In a Georgetown fall tradition hundreds of upperclassman students signed documents which allowed several prominent banking and consulting firms exclusive possession of students’ souls.

Representatives from the Cawley Career Education Center called this year “a smash success in line with past years.”

Although The Heckler has yet to see the documents which were signed this past week inside sources have detailed the list of agreements made by the candidates:

• To attentively sit at a modern wooden desk for 10-12 hours a day for 6-7 days a week while starring at a glowing screen for a period of no less than two years
• To wear mandated fancy, uncomfortable garments all year
• To abandon any artistic, creative or individualistic pursuits
• 

  The omnipresent deities of Rosslyn who constantly watch over Georgetown University.

  In exchange, all candidates will receive special green paper and continuous reinforcement of the accuracy of their decision

While the Career Education Center refused to detail the exact number of students who participated in the seasonal soul sacrifice, the Center’s director Hannah Muh said, while motioning skyward, the numbers “were high enough to placate the divine firms.”

“The Goldman Idol was particularly hungry this year,” she added.

For students who were selected to give up their personal ambitions to pacify the consulting and banking gods, a general sense of relief was palpable.

“That was such a relief when I got that phone call [from Deloitte], I was so happy to give up my soul,” said Senior Ryan Carpenter (COL ’15) who recently retired from 14 years of dance to focus on his business metrics class.

“Oh yes! Finally I finally get to be happy,” said Megan Zics (MSB ’15) who received an offer from Bain.

These moments of elation of sacrifice to these divine firms followed several months, or even years, of courtship between these mystical entities and the students.

Many students who received offers often spent months sitting at these chic desks for hours without receiving any of the mystical green paper or guarantee that they would be able to sell their soul permanently.

Other candidates spent hours “networking” a religious terms which, according to Muh, means “attempting to persuade an idol to accept the worthiness of your soul.”

However, not every Hoya was able to participate in mass-hysteria induced rush to these idols.

“Aw man,” lamented Garett Dane (MSB ’15) after he failed to secure an offer from any major firm. “I didn’t get the chance to join my peers in giving up all my personal interests. What am I supposed to do with the rest of my life?”

Sources confirmed that many of these individuals would returned to graduate school for a second chance to work in these fields.

The idols did not respond for comment and, instead, just stood motionless on the Rosslyn and New York City sky line.