BROWN HOUSE — Following the dance floor make out (“DFMO”) between freshman Kimberley Harper (COL ’18) and Jack Cartcher (SFS ’18), Saturday night’s Brown House party grew socially uneasy as all participants had already hooked up with each other.
All 215 party-goers independently confirmed to the Heckler that they had previous no-strings attached sexual interactions of various degrees with all parties in attendance. This “tense” and “straight up awkward” feeling permeated much of Saturday’s parties.
N Street: the site of much social awkwardness on Thursday.
As explained by attendee Mike Sanderson (MSB ’17), news of the transpiring traveled at varying speeds throughout Brown House’s floors.
“Things were going pretty well last night – I was totally mackin’ on this babe, but I knew in my gut something wasn’t right,” said Sanderson. “And then it dawned on me: I had already had anonymous intimate physical contact with her. Talk about awkward.”
Most chose to ride out the night by just milling about with their friend groups and getting unceremoniously plastered as the realization they would not be “gettin’ some” tonight slowly dawned on them.
Some of the party’s female attendees were optimistic early in the night that Junior Miles Young (COL ’16) might make a move on them but were unaware of his sexuality.
“Yeah, that party was awk,” said Young. “Between the aggressive stares of freshman girls and avoiding the aggressive stares of past hook ups I can’t say I really enjoyed any of it.”
The situation surprised even the event’s hosts.
“With the influx of freshmen in the fall, we were convinced we would be able to hold out for a few more months before this moment inevitably arises during the school year,” said Brown House Resident Harper Phillips (COL ’16). “But, hey, what are you gonna do?”
Although the evening was noticeably tense, party goers were quick to note this was not Brown House’s most awkward party moment. Observers pointed to “the Great Natty Shortage Shortage of 2011,” “that awkward party where half the people came in costume and the other half didn’t” and “the Valentine’s Day Sausage Fest of 2013” as “miles ahead” of this event in terms of awkwardness.