A file photo released by Dulles of the weaponry deployed on Monday.

HARBIN — Reversing course after weeks of mounting pressure from his roommate and visitors to his seventh floor Harbin room, freshman Isaac Dulles (SFS ’18) moved on Monday to unilaterally authorize Febreze strikes against the mounting pile of dirty laundry in the corner of his room.

Although initially opposed to such action, Dulles relented after the pile of laundry to made substantial and continuous gains in his room with each passing outfit.

Officials said Dulles was moved to act to prevent “an impending humanitarian disaster” in the corner of his room.
The move to strike the laundry pile would represent a remarkable escalation in strategy for Dulles, who has sought during his time in the dorm to reduce engagement with dirty laundry.

At the beginning of his tenure in the dorm room Dulles was quoted as saying he was opposed to “being sucked into the endless quagmire of having to laundry over and over again.”

“I simply do not have capabilities for that kind of strain to be put on my schedule – to be serially occupied with laundry,” said Dulles on Monday.

The first Febreze strike this afternoon, remotely launched from three feet away, was welcomed by Dulles’s roommate Yousef Lieber (COL ’18).

Lieber, who had had repeated requests for strikes denied by Dulles, called the pile of laundry a “pariah” which did not respect the roommate’s respective sides of the room.

Although analysts predict that the raw and artificially pleasing power of the Febreze strikes will temporarily roll back noxious odors, they cautioned that such action will “do nothing to relieve the current vacuum of clean clothes” in Dulles’s drawer.

Others worried the Febreze deployment has come to late.

While Dulles continues to oppose physical confrontation with the pile, some insiders suggest that this is the first step in a slippery slope towards picking up the laundry pile by hand.

Dulles maintains that targeted “Meadows and Rain” scented Febreze strikes, in conjunction with support of regional floor mates, will ultimately be enough to “degrade and destroy” the pile of laundry’s capabilities.