Leavey Center — Take Back the Night, the University-sponsored student group promoting a safe environment for all after dark, has pledged to end night time once and for all.

In a seventeen minute video released on the groups’ website this morning the self-proclaimed “messiah” of the group and Assistant Vice President of Student Affairs Bridget Wood spoke directly in to the camera and warned of “the coming brightness which will end darkness permanently.”

A still image from the video.

The video, clearly filmed on the fourth floor of the Leavey Center, prominently displayed various types of household weaponry and copies of “The Feminine Mystique” in the background while Wood warned of the coming final battle against the night.

“We have no other options,” said Wood. “We not negotiate. Our demand is simple.”

The group, considered by some to be an extremist organization, has been pushed further and further into radical territory as other efforts to skirt around the continuous cyclical coming of darkness have failed in the face of environmental obstacles.

“A horrible, never-ending brightness is coming for those who support the night,” said Wood.

The group, whose name roughly translates into English as “End the Night”, was founded in the mid 2000s by activists and administrators disillusioned about the safety of students in the night time.

The video released this morning outlines the groups’ most cohesive plan to do date as how the night will be taken.

By utilizing several gigantic mirrors propelled to the edge of the stratosphere to constantly reflect the sun’s rays into dark areas of the world, Wood expressed zealous optimism the group would be able to complete the task in 4-6 weeks without going over their $12,000 budget for this semester.