N Street — At 11:54 p.m. in a townhouse party on Friday evening Ryan Martinez (COL ’16) took a miscalculated trip to refill his drink leaving behind unstable social structures ripe to collapse.
Just three minutes prior Martinez, already engaged in conversation with Dimitri Isaac (COL ’16), had motioned for friend Harry Akins (SFS ’16) to join the conversation based on a mutual experience the three had had.
“Honestly, the addition to the conversation at first seemed smooth and almost seamless. We made light banter about our similar experiences,” said Isaac.
Martinez concluded a foundation had been poured for continued engagement and departed to attend to low solo cup levels.
“Intelligence on the ground which ultimately proved faulty dictated that these two people would feel comfortable in the gregarious social environment. Obviously mistakes were made, and I’m willing to acknowledge that,” said Martinez.
Optimistic observers speculated sustained banter could continue or transition into other mutual interests. Multiple social causalities were reported shortly after Martinez’s departure.
Analyst’s reports that suggested it was significantly too early in the party for a drunken heart to heart conversation to take place between the two acquaintances were shown to be ignored in the wake of the episode.
“Simply put there was a lack of coordination between myself and Ryan. I had no exit strategy,” said Akins at a press conference on Sunday.
The situation heightened with accidental eye contact being made between the two parties and forays into conversation swiftly failed.
“Those poor guys,” said observer Emily Siegfried (MSB ’16) after the party. “They never had a chance. They weren’t meant to pour the roots of friendship in an environment like this.”
First responders were delayed in responding to the scene and removing the individuals to their respective comfort zones because of the high person density in the townhouse.
“I’m trying to look on the bright side here. Everything is a learning experience,” said Akins, who socially died a bit on Saturday night.
