The Hoya reported Tuesday that an incredible new study shows the single most appealing qualification for highly sought banking and consulting jobs is job experience as a barista.

For Georgetown students seeking the soul-sucking plunge into the churn-and-burn world of depravity that is Wall Street, this is good news.

The findings of the study assuaged the fears of Mariah Cobit (COL ’15) when we spoke to her in the middle of a slow shift at MUG. “I was afraid I was going to have to resort to plain old nepotism like everybody else.” she said. Cobit also says she was “frightened by the idea of doing what everybody else was doing” because the whole process was “so mainstream.”

The interview was cut short as Cobit had to return to work, picking out a backwards trucker hat to match her Beyonce t-shirt – an aspect firms such as Bain described as “incredible” in an applicant.

The Heckler also spoke with several advisors at the Georgetown Career Center including Jane McKensie, who informed us that the results of the study made it a lot easier to help students with their resumes. She says, “I used to have to mask the fact that these kids were joining an organization based on social appeal and participating in quasi-meaningless activities,” but now her job has become a lot easier.

A popular target of interest for Georgetown seniors, PwC rep James McLaughlin told The Heckler that the findings of the study are “completely understandable.” “After all,” he said, “an overinflated sense of confidence in a demeaning job is one of the biggest indicators of success at our company.”

At press time, The Corp reported that the standards for an acceptable answer to the question “Which would you rather fight: a horse sized duck or a hundred duck-sized horses?” had been raised significantly in response to the growing number of applications.