LAUINGER LIBRARY – The famous Joseph Mark Lauinger Memorial Library has been a forced institution on Georgetown’s campus since 1967. Known for its grey exterior and Nixon-era interior, “Lau” has continued to impress upon the young minds of first years and visitors if they managed to slip past the security guards, a new entrance has opened on the fourth floor.

While students have openly praised the library for its “indoor spaces” and “access to printers” the University has finally given what it calls “a thorough response” to students’ demands for a second entrance and exit.

And now, after 10 years of planning, 5 years of awaiting approval, and 2 years of forgetting, the fourth floor entrance was unveiled this weekend. For years, the entrance on the 3rd floor has been the only way in and out of the non-prison book place, but the new Eastern entrance gives students a much-appreciated second option.

“I’m glad I don’t have to go into that hell hole door anymore,” exclaimed Chelsea Stevens (COL ’17). “It’s so [expletive] depressing. Thank God they’ve given us another option. I hate [the 3rd floor entrance of] Lau so much!”

Unfortunately, no commonplace idea is without its minor setbacks. Since the grand opening of the 4th floor entrance Friday, four people have been critically injured from falling four stories out of the side of building.

Due to an oversight during the planning stage of the project, stairs leading up to and down from the fourth floor entrance were not built, only two swinging glass doors.

It was just moments after the ceremonial ribbon was cut and the first victim plunged to his almost death. In response, the administration decided to construct a series of stepladders stacked on one another to aid library-goers entering and exiting the building on the 4th floor. The grand re-opening of the entrance was held Saturday.

Unfortunately, no haphazard solution is without its cataclysmic backlash. Hours after the grand re-opening, the stack collapsed while three students were attempting to exit the building. Each victim suffered leg injuries from the fall and lacerations to the face from the loose nails left with the stepladders.

“We are deeply sorry for the trouble and frustration this project has caused,” said university administrator Larry Paulson. “We plan to learn from our mistakes and discover a long-lasting solution to this issue. In the mean time, we hope to get the stack of stepladders rebuilt within the next 24 hours.”