POTOMAC RIVER — Unconfirmed reports have emerged that the Georgetown Men’s Heavy Weight Crew Team was eaten early this morning in the Potomac River.

Speculation began to increase after the team failed to return to the boathouse at 7 am. Unverified reports have come to forward to say that the men’s team was devoured by the elusive Potomac River Monster.

The last known photograph of the Georgetown’s Men’s Crew Team: taken an hour before their mysterious disappearance.

The team was reportedly conducted an ordinary practice in preparation for its upcoming race against Princeton when observers say a whale or plesiosaurus-type figure burst out above the surface line to break the boat into two pieces.

Two witnesses from the Key Bridge have said the animal was “very large” and “conspicuously preppy.”

Although others claimed to hear shouts from the river yelling “Help” and “Oh God, the pastels” the crew team was no spotted again after roughly 5:56 am.

The Potomac River Monster is a mysterious beast that was often written about by the Jesuits during the early years of Georgetown’s existence. Sightings of the beast, however, decline drastically as the river became increasingly polluted and by 1965 most experts believed that the River Monster had perished.

Although the reports are still unconfirmed, if true, this sighting would be the first report in over four decades.

Coach Eric Lestrade said he was quite disturbed by what happened.

“It just came out of nowhere,” he told the Heckler. “I looked at my phone to answer a text, and suddenly the boat was gone.”

He description of the monster labelled it as “appealing to an upperclass consumer base hoping to project a Martha’s Vineyard-esque lifestyle.”

Lestrade said he will be leading an expedition to track down the whale next week. He was seen at the Vineyard Vine store in Georgetown today buying several pairs of pink shorts and pretentious button-downs for the participants in the rescue mission.

“The monster should be lured to the smell of wealthy, sharply dressed college students. It’ll be like Moby Dick, only way more preppy.”

When asked how he thought the presence of a man-eating whale in the Potomac would affect the crew team’s future, Lestrade expressed concern: “I don’t know how many other colleges have to contend with some sort of leviathan like this. It’s definitely going to hurt recruitment.”

The Heckler wishes the rescue mission the best of luck, and hopes that the eaten team members may be retrieved with little to no detriment to their 2k times.