HEALY HALL – In a long-anticipated move, the President’s Office announced the merger of three formerly independent elements of Georgetown College.

The Georgetown School of Barista Studies will begin classes in Spring of 2015, and will incorporate all of the current students and faculty from the English, Philosophy and Theology department.

The University is currently mulling an Advanced Foam Pouring Seminar but has made no official announcement.

President DeGioia explained that the changes were all part of a continuing effort to modernize the university.

“The university in the 21st century needs to adapt to the changing goals of education and the job market,” remarked DeGioia. “In the spirit of cura personalis, we always seek to educate the whole person, and this includes one’s ability to brew overpriced coffee.”

The School of Barista Studies, or SBS, will be headed by a former academic dean from the MSB, Dean Philip Gecko.

“We determined that previous graduates from these three departments frequently ended up working in the caffeinated beverage sector,” said Gecko. “Our goal is to construct a curriculum that better prepares our students for the inescapable reality of green aprons and over-complicated drink orders.”

The Heckler has obtained an exclusive advance copy of the first year SBS curriculum. Classes include Basic Italian I: Sizes, The Improper Spelling of Proper Nouns and Cinnamon Roll Architecture.

Current students in these separate departments reported that they were “a little disappointed” in the move, but understood that “it was about time to give up the whole liberals dream any who.”