VILLAGE A – As campaign season kicks off around campus, GUSA political strategists are hard at work, crunching the numbers on which key demographic will turn the tide in favor of their candidate. Some campaigns are headed to Yates, in an attempt to corner the athlete vote, while others focus on yet-to-be-disillusioned freshman demographic. Will […]

IAC CONSTRUCTION SITE – As the 2014-15 season kicks into high gear for the Hoyas Men’s Basketball team, questions about their ability to meet fan’s ever diminishing expectations are coming into focus.   President DeGioia maintains that Head Coach John Thompson III’s job is secure this season, and expressed his confidence in JT III at […]

REISS – Pre-med sophomores around campus are rejoicing this afternoon after it was revealed that Organic Chemistry professor, Professor Gary Shaw, answered just 55% of the questions correctly on his own midterm exam.   “That test was a total bitch,” remarked Shaw. “I’m going to be honest, I haven’t taken one of those myself in at […]

ICC — The latest opportunity for students looking to broaden their horizons this summer comes from Georgetown Office of Fellowships, Awards and Resources (“GOFAR”). The Slacker’s Grant will be awarded to one rising senior who plans to do absolutely nothing productive over the next summer.   “We have identified a large group of students that […]

HEALY CIRCLE – Following the conclusion of the Homecoming festivities early last week, an overwhelming portion of the class of 2014 has reportedly not left campus.Members of the class of 2014 have been seen loitering around school buildings, sleeping in dorm common rooms and even attempting to attend classes. “We get this kind of thing […]

HEALY HALL – In a long-anticipated move, the President’s Office announced the merger of three formerly independent elements of Georgetown College.   The Georgetown School of Barista Studies will begin classes in Spring of 2015, and will incorporate all of the current students and faculty from the English, Philosophy and Theology department.   President DeGioia […]