HEALY HALL — In its latest press release, the Georgetown administration announced that construction on new buildings is proceeding behind schedule as planned, with work on track to meet none of the requirements of the anticipated 2020 Campus Plan.

The Northeast Triangle will apparently be ready just as late as administrators were anticipating when they announced the construction timeline last fall.

Though the new Campus Plan has yet to be announced University Spokesperson Stacey Kerr told the Heckler, “we’re confident it will be just as onerous as the 2015 plan, requiring the construction of all new buildings, and maybe even the demolition of some that don’t even exist yet.” Kerr noted that Georgetown is only 5 years behind on the current plan, which requires 90% of undergraduates to live on campus by 2015.

Kiera Krawley, a manager at Whiting-Turner, the company currently constructing the Northeast Triangle and the Healey Family Student Center, concurred with the university’s judgment.

“We really are going forward at a blisteringly slow rate,” she said, “and maybe we can even finish these buildings before we find out that they are inadequate to meet the demands of Georgetown’s neighbors in 2020.”

Krawley continued, “We’re working to maintain a great relationship with the campus, so that we might be your company of choice when it comes time to construct whatever new structures will be needed to fail the 2025 and 2030 campus plans.”

Erika Cohen-Derr, Dean of Student Engagement and one of the lead negotiators of the 2020 plan, was also optimistic.

“I’m not allowed to disclose exactly what we’ve agreed to fail yet,” she wrote in an email to The Heckler, “but suffice it to say that anything we do propose will be placed on an unrealistic timeline and most likely render the Northeast Triangle dorm obsolete.”

According to anonymous sources contacted by The Heckler, possible options on the table for the next plan are requirements that 100% of students and administrators live on campus and that Healy Hall be deconstructed stone-by-stone and moved to Rosslyn, Virginia.