Healy Hall — Saying that the old methods of utilizing graveyards, ghouls and fake blood “just doesn’t cut it anymore,” Director of Residential Living and Scary Events Jenny Helmshire announced that the decorations for this year’s annual “Haunted Healy” attraction would be focused around life post-graduation.
There will be no ghosts in Riggs Library this year, only piles of incomplete tax returns.
The haunted house attraction, put on by the Georgetown Program Board annually, will be undergoing its first major reboot in its six years of existence.
“Kids don’t scare as easy as they used to. It’s a shame,” said Helmshire. “It’s time to cut the zombie crap and get to the heart of what will really scare these kids: the real world.”
Helmshire declined to specify how much putting the traditional witches and cobwebs decorations in storage would cost, but said that investing in office supplies, IKEA furniture, and starter household items for the event’s new look was worth it in the name of “spookiness.”
Citing low attendance in recent years Helmshire and her fellow planners expressed confidence that many students will turn out for the “chills of a life time.”
Throughout the second floor of “Haunted Healy” each room will be dedicated to a “death-defyingly creepy” attraction themed around life after college.
Helmshire said she did not want to give too many details away but did say that “one room will feature a guy waking up at 6:30 am everyday” and that another one “will just be straight up cubicles.”
“I’m really pumped for Saturday. I think I have the scariest part of the whole thing,” said Sam Wallson (SFS ’17) who will be alone in a mock studio apartment in Healy 203 pretending to be fruitlessly trying to Skype his long-distance girlfriend due to a poor internet connection.
Planners noted that not only will each room be dedicated to a terrifying aspect of post-grad life, but several roaming actors will spook out students while they transition from room to room.
“I’m going to be wandering around the ground floor of Healy pretending to be on hold with Comcast the entire night,” said Eric Harbough (MSB ’16). “God I’m scaring myself a little just thinking about it.”
Helmshire said she hopes that at least several drunk seniors will break down crying due to “the intense realism of our set design and attention to detail.”
The Georgetown Programing Board said that the “scariest of the scariest” part of the whole night would be saved for last.
“We’re going to have a real, live unemployed Georgetown graduate handing out his resume to people as they leave,” said Helmshire. “God, talk about a treat!”