REISS — In an unannounced ceremony this week, Fr. Kevin O’Brien, Vice President for Missions and Ministry, followed up his blessing of the Northeast Triangle site with an exorcism of the Reiss Science building.
Reiss – on a good day.
On Saturday, O’Brien said a quick prayer at a scheduled gathering outside the Northeast Triangle construction site, removed a large cross from his pocket, and strode across the walkway to Reiss, whose second, third, and fifth floors are reportedly inhabited by powerful demons.
Following the exorcism, a visibly shaken O’Brien gave a press conference in which he stated, “Everyone thinks my job is just a walk in the park. Sure, I get to sprinkle holy water on new buildings, but who do you think has to deal with those buildings when they’re possessed in 30 years?”
According to O’Brien, this exorcism was a particularly difficult one.
“I can normally reason with the evil spirits to get them to move somewhere else,” he said, “but I didn’t have much to offer. Of course, there’s always the fourth floor of Walsh, but unfortunately Darnall 2 is already taken by the ghost I exorcised from White-Gravenor.”
O’Brien added, “Why can’t we just let the demons have Reiss? It’s not like it’s fit for human habitation.”
Those who attended the blessing of the Northeast Triangle expressed shock as the events unfolded. Juan Gordo (MSB ’17) told The Heckler, “I was anticipating a nice speech from Fr. O’Brien about the role of Jesuit values in the University’s expansion. But instead, he just asked if anyone had a clove of garlic or a sharp stake.”
Students first reported odd occurrences in the building last fall, noting unusually consistent temperatures and the presence of working elevators. Jason Afretz, an engineer with Facilities, said at the time, “We checked everything out, but as far as I could tell it all looked up to our standards in terms of broken equipment and building code violations. When things work on this campus we can only attribute it to the supernatural.”
At press time, O’Brien was reportedly attempting, rather unsuccessfully, to exorcise a H*yas for Choice table from Healy Circle.