REAGAN AIRPORT — Earlier today in Terminal B’s security checkpoint TSA Agent Danny Carmichael informed First Grader Abby Davis in what witnesses called a “fun-loving” cartoon voice that he was imminently about to pat her down in search of explosives. Witnesses described the voice Carmichael used as being “somewhat of a mesh between Spongebob and Goofy” when informing her of his suspicions she possessed enough explosive material to bring down a commercial jetliner. “When [our bomb sniffing dog], who is trained to search for C-4, took interest in her pockets, I wanted to inform Ms. Davis in the most non-threatening terms possible that I thought she might be guilty of a plot intended to induce mass causalities and terror in the American populace,” said Carmichael. Witnesses commented on the amount of poise Carmichael used under pressure to deploy such a voice knowing “full well” that Davis could have prematurely detonated her vest if she felt threatened. At press time Davis was being placed on the no fly list but only after a yellow smiley face sticker was placed by her name.