CAPITOL HILL — As the date fast approaches when the 114th Congress will be sworn in, leaving the leadership of both Houses in the hands of Republicans, Senate Democrats are making a last resort effort to maintain their majority by rushing a Time Machine bill through their lame-duck session.

The bill, which is expected on the floor for a vote by the end of the month, is a recycled version of a continuing resolution proposed in 1994 by outgoing Speaker Tom Foley (D-WA) before Newt Gingrich (R-GA) took office the following January.

Harry Reid (2014) argues the merits of using the Time Cone 3000 on Wednesday.

“Unfortunately, the technology was just not fully available in those days,” said Sen. Bill Nelson (D-FL), a member of the Commerce, Science, and Transportation Committee, former astronaut, and sponsor of the current bill, “Today however, thanks to nanotechnology and JavaScript, we are confident that if this bill passes, we will be able to create a 2007-2014 time warp in which we can repeatedly relive all of the liberal triumphs in the Senate of the past 7 years.”

Some members of the scientific community have criticized the proposal on the basis of the butterfly effect, the idea that altering the past could have unpredictable and calamitous effects on the present. In response to such criticisms, Majority Leader Harry Reid held a joint press conference this morning with past versions of himself from 2007 and 2012, where the three Reids insisted in unison that the temporal resurrection of liberal lion Senator Ted Kennedy would vastly outweigh any such problems.

Republicans appeared on edge last week when Democratic Whip Sen. Dick Durbin (D-IL), tasked with making sure the bill gains enough votes to pass, ordered that a prototype time machine be placed in the center of the Senate chamber. “That gizmo is an abomination,” said Senator Saxby Chambliss (R-GA) during a debate,  “The taxpayers of the United States deserve roads and a strong military, not some glorified science project!”

In response to the disappearance later that day of Senator Chambliss (R-GA), who was expected to filibuster the bill, Durbin told reporters, “Let’s just say that his effort to prevent a cloture vote was a mistake of…Jurassic proportion”. The Senator then laughed maniacally and pretended to be a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

At press time, Senate Democrats were in their weekly caucus meeting, reportedly sketching nudes of President Franklin D. Roosevelt from life.