EPICUREAN – Representatives for Epicurean and Co. Restaurant (known colloquially as Epi) recently announced that they would be raising the prices of their quesadillas to $25 during peak drunk hours of one to four AM.

Epi’s ownership will also allow students to open a line of credit at the store.

“We saw this as a great opportunity to set the price of our quesadillas to what we think they are actually worth, and then add twenty dollars to that,” said a spokesperson for Epicurean.

Another official rationalized the dramatic increase in price by saying, “It’s just economics. When you have high demand for something, people are willing to recklessly spend the little money they have on something they probably won’t even remember eating.”

Senior Epicurean managers told the Heckler the idea originated from students themselves.

“We got the idea when we overheard several students say that they would spend ‘anything’ for an Epi Quesadilla at certain hours of the night. Well, you asked for it, and we rose to the challenge.”

Many students expressed frustration that their high levels of drunkenness had made this business strategy tenable.

“$25? Really? This is outrageous,” said Epicurean patron Jackson Bungle (COL ‘18) who fully acknowledged that he would most likely spend $25 on a quesadilla that night.

However, the price hike did not distress other students, with one reporting, “I feel that pissing all of my money away when I’m drunk is a real part of the college experience. By having no money now, I’ll just be that much more prepared for post-grad life, when I’ll be drowning in depression for years trying to deal with the crushing weight of student loans. Thank you, Epi.”