The university also considered cargo pants but deemed the side effects “too dangerous.”

LEAVEY CENTER – Realizing the need for accessible contraceptives on campus, Georgetown University administration will now give free cargo shorts as an indirect way for its students to prevent STD’s and unwanted pregnancies.

Cargo shorts were originally created in 1934 by the Mussolini regime in Italy as a population suppressant. Engineers called the prototype “Pantaloni Astinenza”, or “Abstinence Pants.”

Scientists have long thought that the additional pockets directly alters functionality of the brain’s amygdala,

Initial testing of the new method on Georgetown’s campus showed promise. Chris Lombardi (SFS, ’18) was among the first students to try out the new strategy.

“It’s crazy, when I was wearing them, all I could think about was how impractical the Crossguard Lightsaber from the new Star Wars trailer looks,” said Lombardi, wearing a camouflage shirt. “It’s also given me this really strong taste for Monster energy drink.”

Studies have shown that the drop in fertility while one wears cargo shorts is temporary, but the effects of long-term use has yet been tested.

Said Tracy Collins of the National Institutes of Health said, “there is still a small possibility that the testicles will become vestigial, phallic accessories more than anything.”

Cargo shorts first made national news in 2009 when Midland Middle School in Portland, OR started distributing cargo shorts to its 7th grade boys and girls in health class.

The student pro-life group Vita Saxa has responded with strong opposition.

“Every time you put on a pair of cargo shorts, you’re deciding to wear a big ‘middle finger’ to God himself. Is that what you want?” said the group’s spokesperson Mark Lawson.

Lombardi says it’s a matter of choice. “I’m an adult. If I want to wear a vasectomy with several pockets, that’s my body, that’s my choice.”