HAGERSTOWN, MD — Saying they could “never fully understand” what a transformative experience going to a University such as Georgetown has had on his growth as a person, Freshman Harrison Clement (SFS ’18) reported that none of his friends were in a position to appreciate what going to college at Georgetown was like. “It’s just so different from high school — all of this freedom, the parties, the girls and the beer,” said Clement in his Maryland basement to his assembled high school friends who attend Princeton, the University of Maryland, Dartmouth and Virginia Tech in a good-faith attempt to explain why Georgetown was such a unique institution. As Clement continued to share anecdotes he became worried that their ignorance about Brown House and eating at Epicurean at 2 am were severely hindering their ability to comprehend what Clement’s experience at college parties and late night eating was like. “No, Frank, that’s great but it just isn’t the same as what I’ve undergone this semester,” said Clement when his friend who attends Princeton interrupted his story to explain that Hillary Clinton had visited his school as well. At press time, Clement was internally lamenting that none of his lifelong friends understood him anymore and was silently adding up the days until he could once again see people he had known for roughly four months.