NORTH POLE — A North Pole man recently awoke in an area bar following a week long bender in which he purchased toys for roughly 45% of the children on Earth. “I’m just not the same person after I have a few drinks,” said the eternally elderly man through his wistful white beard as he trudged back to his northern residence. “I get all happy and festive and before I know it I’m spending all this money I don’t have to give children across the globe a reason to smile.” The impending credit card bill, roughly $625 billion dollars in total, was spent on a wide range of things, from unwanted socks to sports cars and could take a lifetime to pay off. “This happens a lot – more often that it should. This is about the 2014th time it’s happened, actually. It’s getting worse. It always happens that he gets this way just when you think he’s turned a corner,” said one of the man’s friends. “Thankfully we knew something was up and we were able to cut him off before he got to the Middle East, South Asia, North Korea or any other totalitarian regimes.” At press time the man’s friends were trying to console him by pointing out he had boosted US GDP by 5%.