HEALY HALL – Addressing a group of alumni donors today, Georgetown University president Jack DeGioia touted the university’s embrace of diversity, but underlined that it “does not include Kevin.”
“When you make a gift to Georgetown, you are supporting an educational mission that embraces people from all walks of life,” DeGioia told the crowd. “Our Pluralism in Action program teaches students that they should be open to everyone, regardless of race, creed, color, sexual orientation, or socioeconomic background. Of course, we also teach them that this does not extend to Kevin.”
The Kevin in question, Kevin McDonnell (COL ’17), is a sophomore government major in the college. He says that he had never thought of himself as a target of discrimination, but that DeGioia’s comment has “put everything in perspective.”
“By the end of freshman year, I began to get the sense that people were deliberately treating me poorly,” Kevin told The Heckler. “I had to stop eating at Leo’s because the employees would always spit in my food.”
DeGioia went on in his remarks to describe how the university feels it is enriched when it fosters cross-cultural dialogue, provided that dialogue does not include Kevin.
“Every year, I say to the incoming freshmen, ‘Try new things. Broaden your horizons. Make friends with people who are different from you,’” DeGioia told the alumni donors. “‘But make sure you stay away from Kevin. Nothing good can come from interacting with that kid.’”
Kevin lives alone in a drafty room in LXR dormitory. He says his RA never includes him on emails when she has baked for the floor and that the closest thing to human interaction he gets is when his neighbors steal his towel in the bathroom.
“The weirdest thing is that my group was first in the housing lottery last year,” says Kevin. “We selected a Village A rooftop, but somehow I got assigned to LXR. There wasn’t even a bed when I moved in here.”
Some question why Kevin, a pleasant and mild-mannered person by all accounts, should be the target of so much hatred. One of the alumni listening to DeGioia asked the president what Kevin had done to deserve such singularly poor treatment.
“It’s Pluralism in Action, not Universalism in Action, OK?” DeGioia responded hotly. “You can’t expect us to respect everyone; that would be ludicrous! Besides, do we even need a reason to hate Kevin? Just look at that stupid face of his. Whenever I see that rube I…I…”
DeGioia digressed into an expletive-strewn tirade, then composed himself and returned to his prepared remarks:
“Excuse me. Now, where was I? Oh yes, clubs. Georgetown proudly boasts an enormous variety of cultural clubs on our campus. Groups such as Rangila, the BSA, and GUMSA all foster diversity at our university and, most importantly, Kevin is not free to join any of them.”
Kevin confirms that student organizations treat him poorly. Jack Crew routinely sics university mascot Jack the Bulldog on him and even GU Pride refers to him as “an affront to the Lord.”
“I suppose the one benefit is that the Corp will actually make me good coffee,” says Kevin. “I guess it’s the only way they can treat me differently from the rest of the student body.”
DeGioia concluded his remarks by praising past accomplishments while looking towards the future.
“I am so incredibly proud of the diverse student body we have built here at Georgetown,” DeGioia said. “With your continued support, we can continue to make Georgetown a model of inclusiveness while at the same time giving that little prick Kevin what he deserves.”
Kevin says that he is disappointed to hear that the university condones such prejudice, but says he hopes that he can change it for the better.
“I know that I am not the first person to face discrimination,” Kevin told The Heckler, “and I know I won’t be the last. I’m sure that as more people get to know me and see what I contribute to the campus culture, opinions will begin to change.”
At press time, Kevin was receiving a swirlie in an ICC bathroom from a group of students led by Vice President for Student Affairs Todd Olson.
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