The “What this Stupid Thing is, and Why We Hate It” portion of the class.
LEAVEY — Citing fears that a large part of Georgetown’s athletic history may be lost on future classes, New Student Orientation will feature an informative 5-hour program to educate incoming freshman on Georgetown’s athletic rivalry with Syracuse.
The program, which will take place for the first time during NSO 2015, comes in anticipation of restarting a yearly basketball series with the infamous “New York University.”
The NSO office was asked to elaborate on the nature of the program after confusion following their original campus-wide email stating: “fuck ‘Cuse.”
“The Admission’s Office has been alarmed by the startlingly sparse number of applications laden with anti-Syracuse propaganda,” commented President DeGioia at the recent Men’s Basketball game against Marquette. “We have come to believe that our prospective students may not be aware of the existence of the old Big East, and the Georgetown-Syracuse rivalry.” DeGioia then resumed waving a large cardboard cutout of his face in the student section
Although the old Big East ended only two years ago, the Administration believes the nation’s top high school students may already be unable to recall the rivalry’s golden years.
Plans for the discussion were released today, which included members of Hoya Blue teaching chants, both expletive and non-expletive filled. Guest lecturers include former Hoya great Dikembe Mutombo, who will begin the event by aggressively swatting oranges out of the air and a Carmelo Anthony impersonator, who has agreed to let the incoming freshman form an angry mob and chase him around campus to end the discussion.
Responses from current high school seniors have confirmed NSO suspicions that the incoming class has a crippling lack of irrational hatred of Syracuse.
“Syracuse? Like New York? Why would I ‘loathe’ them? They’re not even in our conference,” asked Georgetown Prep senior Ryan Gregg, after being visibly confused by the question. Even more alarming were the low numbers written on the new short answer “On a scale of 1-10, how much does ‘Cuse suck? Explain.”
Syracuse University also voiced concerns on how to ensure the rivalry is renewed when a recent early admit stated that he was not only unaware of the existence of Georgetown, but also the definition of the words “rivalry” and “with.”
Interested in writing for the Heckler? Apply here!
