HEALY CIRCLE – Following the Georgetown Board of Directors’ rejection of their Fossil Fuel Divestment proposal, members of GU Fossil Free announced Wednesday thatthey have set their sights on separating their souls from their bodies in the ultimate act of divestment.

“Through concentrated meditation on the Third Eye, we are seeking to transcend our earthly bodies and their sick Western implication in the planet’s suffering,” said GU Fossil Free president Hanna Steppan (COL ’16) while walking barefoot through the snow in her traditional saffron Shaolin monk robe.

“To the Great Teacher there is no such thing as a ‘fossil fuel,’ only a spiritual fuel that can be attained through eliminating our earthly desires,” expressed another GU Fossil Free member, Sam Ashton (SFS ’15) as he lit incense and tea candles in his Henle.

When asked about the outrage expressed by GU Fossil Free members in previous interviews with The Hoya and The Voice, Ashton indicated regret for the group’s extremism, saying “We will not be punished for our anger, but by our anger. Peace comes from within.”

GU Fossil Free’s revised mission states that they will at all times pursue a message of total divestment from earthly goods and pledge their lives to following the Noble Eightfold Path to Nirvana.