WASHINGTON, DC – An insider for the Heckler has confirmed reports that Mitch Dawson (COL ’18) has become involved in DC’s underground organ trade syndicate after attempting to sell back this semester’s textbooks.

Reportedly disenchanted with the offers from various options on campus for book buy-back, Dawson began to seek out other avenues through which he could make some extra cash and get rid of the books he did not need anymore.

“I felt like the bookstore was ripping me off, so I took my search to Craigslist. I found someone who seemed interested in information related to human organs, and thought to myself: Hey, maybe this guy will want my anatomy textbook,” reported Dawson, “When I met with him, I found myself surrounded by a bunch of guys asking me if I was wearing a wire or if I had been followed.”

Somewhere along the way, the exchange went differently than Dawson initially expected.

“They said that if I could do a trade for them, they’d buy all my goods off me. I assumed they meant my textbooks,” said Dawson. “Now I am sitting in my dorm room with a cooler full of organs and a disposable cell phone.”

“I’ve got to go now,” Dawson said at the end of his phone interview with The Heckler. “I need to find out if anyone has responded to my Craigslist ad asking for help with cutting mob ties and getting horse blood stains out of bed sheets.”