WASHINGTON, D.C. – DC Mayor Muriel Bowser stated at a press conference Monday afternoon that the city’s law enforcement officials will roll out a new policing plan to legalize only the dopest, black gold chronic. “The council and I are seeing to it that the voice of the people takes priority, which is why any DC resident is now free to consume marijuana on private property, so long as it’s that loud OG space bud – you feel me?” said Bowser before high-fiving the nearest aide. Still, zoning distinctions between federal and District owned property have complicated the city’s legalization effort. Explained Metro Police chief Cathy Lanier, “Say, for instance, you’re smoking a marijuana cigarette on your porch in Georgetown, while I am 2 miles away on the National Mall, which is federal property. If I am not able to smell that dank, dank bud from where I’m standing, we’re going to have a problem.” Before leaving the conference, Mayor Bowser quickly reiterated that “bunk-ass dirt weed” was still way off-limits.