photo via FoxNews.com/AP
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) has run into trouble employing rhetoric regarding national security, as each reference to the looming threat of domestic terrorist attacks has been met with charmed cooing. The GOP presidential candidate’s emphasis on potential danger has been continually countered by his rosy cheeks and a pubescent southern drawl.
Graham, whose name alludes to a beloved childhood snack often associated with marshmallows, has unsuccessfully pursued the strategy of using turmoil and violence abroad to criticize President Obama’s foreign policy.
Speaking in front of a crowd of supporters on Monday, Graham warned, “The Mideast is on fire, and it is every person for themselves,” which many instantly confused for the beginning of an obscure Mother Goose nursery rhyme.
At the forefront of his rhetorical campaign is his hard line approach to containing the terrorist organization of the self-proclaimed Islamic state, or ISIL.
“I think most Americans understand if we don’t destroy ISIL – if they survive our best shot – that we’re all less safe,” he said with the tone and cadence that a mall Santa might use to comfort a nervous 6 year old.
Likely 2016 voters have already taken note of the senator’s inability to incite anything remotely similar to fear, despite his regular incendiary language.
Said Diana Turin, a registered Republican from Ohio, “I was watching [Graham] speak on T.V. when he said something like, ‘Don’t vote for me if you’re anti-war.’ Anyway, my kids thought they heard the ice cream truck and ran downstairs.”
Perhaps the Graham campaign’s strongest asset is his ability to ease hostile relationships with otherwise belligerent adversaries. In response to Graham’s threat of sending ground troops back into Iraq, top ISIL leaders reportedly blushed and thanked the senator for his kind words.
Said Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi, the head of ISIL, referring to the U.S., “Soon we will be in direct confrontation, and the sons of Islam have prepared for such a day. But we are also prepared to sit down with the young boy named Lindsey Graham – he seems kind and reasonable.”
