HENLE 57 –  The residents of Henle 57 are experiencing a roommate struggle at the hands of an unhygienic, inconsiderate slob who refuses to wash his dishes. Said an anonymous source that contributed heavily to this article, “Hey Steve, you’re probably sitting on the couch watching Netflix right now maybe even chilling in the sense that you haven’t moved in over 3 hours. I beg of you, I’ve been eating off my textbooks, clean your fucking dishes!”

Tensions have reached an all-time high as the beans Steve has cooked still sit on the stovetop, although it is clear Steve has finished eating them.

Christian Striker (COL’ 18), who has also requested to stay anonymous, also weighed in on the dish situation. “We should probably just talk to him. I’m not going to do it he’s a big dude he’ll get all angry, I don’t want him on my bad side. Why don’t you say something? Why are you recording this?”

The other four residents of the Henle have formed a multilateral task force in hopes that it will hopefully get Steve (whose name has been changed for protection, but you know who you are, John) to wash his dishes. The group has worked to leave post-it notes with messages like: “Those dishes look dirty, maybe someone should clean them!” and “Please wash your dishes, the cheese from your old quesadillas is turning green :-(.”

The roommates even considered talking to Steve, but that plan was ultimately abandoned when the writer of this article decided to use his pull with The Heckler to circumvent any face-to-face interaction. At press time, the dishes remain unwashed, but a quick tag in the comments section when this piece is posted may just push Steve over the edge