CHURCH – Vice President of the United States Mike Pence was reportedly sitting solemnly in a church pew at a local Washington D.C. area same sex wedding.

Pence was overheard quietly whispering “In the name of Our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, I object to this union” to himself during the vow ceremony. “Here it comes” muttered Pence, righteously biding his time before carrying out the Lord’s work.

“It’s a thankless job, but it’s my cross to bear” stated Pence, adding “I’m just glad to be out here on this blessed day making the Kingdom of God a reality here on Earth.”

According to his schedule, the Vice President is due in Lowell, Massachusetts tomorrow to virtuously shove an aborted fetus back into a teenage mother’s womb.