GEORGETOWN HOSPITAL – Noting that his arm had in fact finished healing after spending the last eight weeks in a cast, Harrison Crenshaw’s (SFS ‘19) doctors nonetheless refused to remove the cast until the Chicago native returned with more signatures.

“I treat all sorts of injuries here from fractured ankles to broken backs, but I have to say that Mr. Crenshaw’s solitary signature on his lime green cast has got to be the saddest one I have seen in a while” said the sophomore’s doctor John Gartman, noting that the singular signature was from Crenshaw’s mother.

“I mean I’m not expecting Declaration of Independence level or anything but if he makes even one new friend because of this, I consider my job complete. I just hope he gets it done quickly because the longer he waits, the worse that cast is gonna smell and the harder those signatures are gonna get.”

At press time, sources confirmed seeing Crenshaw practicing different signatures on a napkin in the hospital cafeteria.