GEORGETOWN, DC

President DeGioia delivered a dramatic speech last night, announcing the founding of Georgetown’s fifth school. Adjusting what appeared to be a handmade tissue paper crown, DeGioia revealed that the college would be focused on “the core tenets of a literal arts education”.

DeGioia went on to detail the majors that would be included in this new school, eyes focused on a Playdoh spagghetti noodle he appeared to be considering consuming. “We anticipate large demand for our Paper Mache Studies and our Paper Snowflake majors, but I would like to stress that this new school has so much more to offer than just those.”

The school was revealed to have been inspired by the University President’s own experience making a homemade birthday card for his mother this year, though DeGioia did expand the school to have a more socially conscious focus. In that vein, the tuition is set at $10,000 or “one of those cool crayon boxes with the sharpener” per year.

DeGioia was clearly excited by this idea and the possibilities it held. When asked about which particular area most thrilled hims, he was able to single out one class. “My favorite would have to be Popsicle Stick Building because that means you get to eat the popsicles first.”