NEW SOUTH.

In his semi-annual return to campus, campus’s very own Bill “Big Dog” Clinton was reported to have been smoking marijuana with current students. Returning from Hoya Snaxa with sour spaghetti and a slim jim, our reporters were able to secure a quick interview with the former president.

“Shit’s a lot stronger now,” said Clinton of the experience, “I walked in preparing to smoke these thin lizzies under the table, but the fresh meat could really handle that mean green.” Before we could continue the discussion, the former president stated, “I really got to get back upstairs before Squints gets mad at me,” and lightly jogged to the New South lobby.

The next morning we caught up with Squints, who preferred to remain anonymous.

“Yea man, he just patrolled the second floor until someone smoked him up,” stated Squints. When asked why Clinton was smoking with Freshman, Squints said, “Big Dog kept talking about how all the seniors ‘were in bed with their buyers’ and that this school’s real problem was the lack of new distributors. Kind of bugged out the whole time.”

At press time, Clinton was seen handing out his phone number in front of Village C RHO.