This Saturday night, a hairball fight broke out at a local barbershop slumber party. Lewis Chortle, proprietor of Lewis’ Barbershop, said that the fight began around 11:00 PM, directly after Chortle and his staff finished playing truth or dare. “Every year, I invite the coolest amongst my staff to a sleepover at the shop for my birthday,” Chortle said. “Inevitably a hairball fight breaks out,” he said.

Haircutters, face-shavers, and floor-sweepers arrived at the barbershop around 7pm with sleeping bags, toothbrushes, and flashlights. Some brought playing cards; all brought pajamas. The night had followed Lewis’ agenda up until the fight. At 5pm the staff played “never have I ever cut X client’s hair” (Gerald McGormish, whose been working at Lewis’ since 1983, was out first—name a man in this town who has gotten a fresh cut from McGormish…that’s right, ya can’t!); at 5:15 every staff member changed into his pajamas—a black, plastic smock; at 5:45pm the staff told scary stories about terrible tips and waxings gone wrong; from 6pm until 11pm they made pop-corn and watched Queen Latifah’s Beauty Shop immediately followed by Ice Cube’s Barbershop immediately followed by Queen Latifah and Ice Cube’s collaboration Barbershop 2: Back In Business.  

After nearly 5 hours of hair-cuttery themed film, the staff began to gossip about which of them would make the cutest couples with the hairstylists from Gina’s Salon across the street. “We face-timed the stylists from Gina’s right before the skirmish,” reported Chortle said. According to an inside source at Gina’s Salon, Chortle’s barbers giggled during the entire face-time session. A dispute between two of Chortle’s barbers over Gina’s Salon pedicure specialist Andalier Brandeleir initiated the fight. “There was hair flying everywhere—it was a blast,” said Chortle.