Georgetown

Just in time for the holiday season, A Capella groups across campus have put their differences aside to stand up, once and for all, against instruments. “A Capella has been a second-class art for hundreds of years, and we’re sick of it,” said Barney Andrews, a bass in the Phantoms and spokesperson for the A Capella groups.

For the past two weeks, he and the rest of the “aca-activists” have infiltrated over twenty Henle parties, unplugging speakers and performing their favorite pop-rock staples. Andrews intends to spearhead further party protests, especially as more non-musical students join the cause, like Ron Bern, a sophomore in the MSB. “Yeah, at first I was really mad because they cut off ‘Timber’ by Pitbull, right before the good part. But when they hit us with that lush cover of Adele’s ‘Someone Like You,’ they had me crying real and true party tears. It was gorgeous.”

Though these demonstrations have been peaceful so far, Andrews made it clear that if nothing changes, they’d be willing to intensify their methods. “If I hear another cover of Skrillex’s “Where Are Ü Now” that’s accompanied by anything other than a chorus of jaunty men and women in jewel-tone sweaters, we’ll riot.”  

When asked how the A Capella groups believe they can physically eradicate the world of all instruments, Andrews admitted he had no easy answer. “It’s a hard fight; I’ll be the first to say it. And it’s not going to happen tomorrow or even the next day. But if we keep growing our groups and fighting the good fight, I think we could do it by 2020. Especially if everyone just, like, threw their instruments in a woodcutter. That’d be sick and very helpful.”