Stephen Holloway (COL ‘18) was left feeling lonelier than ever today when not even the automatic sink would notice him. After nearly seven and a half minutes spent waving his sudsy palms in front of the sensor without response, Stephen was forced to come to terms with his own irrelevance.

The situation escalated later that day when Stephen once again entered the restroom. When he stretched out his palm to retrieve soap, the automatic dispenser remained unresponsive. Stephen withdrew his hand and tried again, thinking that it hadn’t seen him. After another unsuccessful attempt to get its attention, Stephen began to frantically wave both hands underneath the sensor, but to no avail.

Stephen resigned himself to the fate of washing his hands without any antibacterial soap. He extended his hands underneath the faucet, but the sink once again spurned his advances. There was only one conclusion which Stephen could draw. He was completely alone, and utterly devoid of connection on this earth.

When The Heckler reached out to the sink for a comment on the incident, it responded with a sustained stream of perfectly heated water.